Joy

I am often preoccupied with what I am doing. Am I doing the right thing in this moment? Am I living the life God wants me to right now? Am I challenging myself enough right now?

I think those are all good questions to ask at points in your life, but I think I might have become obsessed with the questions, and I didn't know how to respond when I didn't know the answers. I think I was looking for a logical way to follow God. I don't think I ever wanted to admit it, because of course following God is more than the acts that you do. But I believe I was attempting to learn about God in a way that made logical sense. I was searching from my own human wisdom, attempting to know better in a way that "made sense".

For me personally, I would say that it is often times difficult to "feel" God's presence, but I still know in my heart that He is there. I know from past personal experiences and I also know from experiences through friends and family. I don't think that is something I necessarily need... but sometimes I then become preoccupied with finding logical reasons why God would be there. This sometimes ends in disasters. I think it is great to find logical explanations for some of God's wonders, but God still can't be known through that, "God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom" (1 Corinthians 1:20-21).

I have come to a time where I have stopped looking for God in the human wisdom... at least I am trying. And this has caused a shift in my relationships with people. First of all, I am giving more attention to all my relationships and I am changing the questions I ask. I was talking to a friend of mine and they were saying that this was a time where they felt God was telling them it was a time for just them and God. Not a time to focus on other relationships because they were distracting. Where I have come to a place where my relationships are encouraging and exciting. God has filled me with so much joy and this is where I can spread his joy. Learning and yearning for God while looking for him in other people, and trying not to lose that joy or the source of joy when something challenging comes along.